I am posting this because as soon as I found my soul-gift … my human (or ego or what-ever-you-want-to-call-it) has been trying to sabotage me (aka ‘bring me down’).
One of the ways it is doing so is by telling me I’m a fraud.
Guess what, I’m not letting that shitty talk fly!
I sat with this today whilst at the beach with the dogs.
I was feeling a little shitty (emotional).
I explored it.
For me it was the shadow to the light of my soul-gift.
I also saw how the whole concept of “being a fraud” or “finding something fraudulent” is based upon OTHER PEOPLES’ OPINIONS.
(( Yes I get there are laws however we’re talking more about mindset/beLIEfs about feeling like a fraud. ))
It is also scary operating in your truth and honouring your soul-gift … it can feel unsafe … it can feel deadly.
You can feel like you are going to die if people find out about the real you.
I get it.
Around 4 or so years into my (now decade-long) Vanessa – Pet Guardian business .. I was part of an intimate mastermind lead by Rossco Paddison (locally).
It was the only point in my whole life where feeling like a fraud had consumed me.
I feared people finding out about my past career in the adult entertainment industry.
I feared everything would blow up in my face !!
I feared losing approval of everyone
ESPECIALLY MY CLIENTS
because I was holding onto the shame of being a sex worker !!
In the end, the shame wasn’t my own as (truthfully) I *never* shamed that part of my life.
Yes, I feared “the death of me” as such .. I feared the unknown as I had no idea or experience of what it was like to be seen, heard and loved for me .. all of me .. my truth
So .. as the others revealed their ‘secrets’ in that space ..
it finally came my turn.
My whole body was shaking, I was crying rivers of tears.
Then I said it.
“I used to work as a stripper!”
… and you can guess what happened next …
I started owning it and sharing it.
People were saying how they respected me for having the confidence to share it.
My business kept functioning (it even grew!).
My clients still adored me because they based their judgements on my present self and not my past.
I even created the first incarnation of Lady Vee : Priestess of The Body – “Lady Vee: StripperLike Confidence”
I led a group of 5 women on a 7 week journey in my home for my “Shy to StripperLike Confidence” program.
So .. yeh .. you can see why I found it interesting that I had this thought/beLIEf that I am being a fraud.
It is all stemming from how I have not public-ly admit that I have debts.
I feel like admitting that I am still working on my relationship with money …. and that I am actively working on ‘relationship/addiction’ to debt …
That I am still growing … still “figuring my shit out” …
Admitting all that … “makes me a fraud”
ESPECIALLY the fact that I’m *not* generating a shit-tonne of money …
That some weeks I am generating enough “to get by” …
Other weeks I’m generating enough to get by and pay back my debts .. and feel very abundant …
So now you know the real deal.
I want you to know that it is okay if you aren’t earning $2k per week.
I want you to know that it is okay if you are no where near earning $10k per week or month.
We *ALL* are still FIGURING IT OUT !!
I am in my truth.
I AM ENOUGH.
I AM OK.
I AM ALIVE.
It won’t be the ‘death’ of me that you know I am not perfect.
🔥 DO YOU FEEL LIKE A FRAUD ? 😢🌥
Send me a message 📲 to connect.
I am here to witness. (see you)
I am here to listen. (hear you)
I am here to re-connect you to your divinity. (love you)