Love your dysfunctions

lol on a candy heart
lol on a candy heart (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Love your dysfunctions and the things that cause you to lose friends, successes or throw you into life lessons. They help us to find humor, wisdom, liberation and our inner child and this releases us from caring so much about what others think and allows us to find a deeper love of self and rise above the judgements of others.

(click here for original source of the above quote)


I became the second person to leave Queensland Business FB Group recently.  Why ?  The above quote from facebook explains it perfectly.

What happened ? I supposedly offended a few people.  Yeah, I know… they must be new to the internet. LOL! 😛 😉

The reason I personally left is that I felt “policed” instead of moderated.  I took the feedback however ultimately I tried as hard as I could to get the point across that I am not responsible for other people being offended. That is their personal choice. I cannot control how someone will ‘read’ something I posted on the internet.  I do not know the great majority of people whom I am “friends” with online.  Just like I know many people do not know me.

Also, personally, I do my best to never be offended by something posted on the internet.  If I am I generally walk away, chat about it offline with a friend or two (or just have a ‘think’ why it offended me so much) … thus by the time I’m back online… I move on.  Seriously.  I have such a bad short term memory with online stuff because the internet (especially now with social media) moves VERY quickly.

I can’t remember half the stuff I posted hours ago let alone the day before or a week or month ago (unless I look it up or someone points it out to me).

Thus I left because I felt like I was talking to a brick wall when I said that I cannot control the fact other people will be offended.  Someone, somewhere at some time is going to be offended by a “HI” let along anything else.

On top of that, I could see something being played out that I had already experienced myself in my life – having to “police” a group of people.

To me personally, there is a distinct difference between policing a forum and moderation of a forum. 

Moderation – There are distinct rules of how to operate within the forum and you basically ensure people stick to the rules.

Policing – It is moderation with the added component of trying to keep people in line (their behaviour). This goes beyond just telling someone for posting against the ‘theme’ for the day to actively restricting peoples’ behaviour within the forum/group to “conform” to a set “way” that YOU think is right (not factoring in people are diverse). 

I’ve been online since late 1993, in my online lifetime I have been part of the moderation team of two separate large (active) online forums/communities.  What this has meant is that I have experience with how to moderate and all the “joys” that go along with moderation … as well as being involved in un-moderated communities.

(Also the fact that online forums and communities are just like School – you do have cliques within the group. It’s human nature to want to gather with other like minded people.)

Yes, feedback is welcome always and complaints are looked at however, ultimately, if someone is becoming distressed over something posted by someone else within a forum/community…. the two parties need to speak to each other not pull the forum moderators into the “drama”.
Take it up with the person causing you the distress because:

1) They may not have any idea that it caused you distress thus how can they have any hope in rectify-ing the situation ?

2) You may be interpreting what they wrote completely wrong until you speak with them and understand

Remember, everyone is a stranger online.  How someone presents themselves online may not be how they are in real life.   Time and time again this lesson keeps getting taught to me (personally) over and over.  Reminding me that whilst I may love the person online – in real life we might have a personality clash.  Whilst I may not like the person too much online – we get along great offline ! I’ve also met a few people who I admired online to turn out to be total frauds, hypocrites and so forth (after learning more about them in real life).

In the end, the quote at the start of this blog reflects why I left.  I do love my dysfunctions. It is what makes me …….. me !  I am a work in progress.

Plus as the quote above mentions – the only real opinion I need to care about in the end is the one I have of myself.  The only real opinion I can influence is that that I hold of myself.  I love myself enough to realise that Queensland Business FB Group was no longer the right fit for me because as long as I’m online (which I always will be because I love / am addicted to the internet  – it is one of my vices) … I will offend people !

My name is Vanessa. My name means butterfly.  Butterfly is one of my totem animals in my life representing magick, transformation, transmutation and “the power of the whirlwind“. On top of that I have a lot of Scorpio energy in my astrological “make-up” thus I tend to favour the taboo 😉 so I may make you face some of your demons without me realising I’m doing it. 😉

It’s part of who you are too because believe me … it’s the internet… unless you log off and never say a word you will eventually offend someone, somewhere at some time !


PS  Bwahahaha!  Thank you Universe…  here is an example from the Gold Coast Lost and Found Pets FB page that I founded.  This lady was offended over questions my main assistant admin asked her.  They’re standard questions we ask everyone based upon our collective experience (over years of administration of the page) so as we can determine how we can be of service to the person:

Kathryn S. posted to Gold Coast Lost and Found Pets
Missing- female Dark Brindle Staffy, has collar on. Last spotted on Beaudesert/Nerang rd in Maudsland area, the early hrs of this morning. Please call XXXXXXXX with any info. Thanks. 

Gold Coast Lost and Found Pets (comment):  Hi Kathryn, can you post a photo of her? is she microchipped? are microchip details u to date? have you checked with any local vets? Also GCCC pound 55 817 600. Put signs up too. we have further resources on our page at 

Kathryn S. (comment reply) It’s a neighbour dog so I don’t have photo, trying to help them find her. This feels like a bloody lecture. Of course pond has been rung. Just delete my add.


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