Love your dysfunctions and the things that cause you to lose friends, successes or throw you into life lessons. They help us to find humor, wisdom, liberation and our inner child and this releases us from caring so much about what others think and allows us to find a deeper love of self and rise above the judgements of others.
What happened ? I supposedly offended a few people. Yeah, I know… they must be new to the internet. LOL! 😛 😉
The reason I personally left is that I felt “policed” instead of moderated. I took the feedback however ultimately I tried as hard as I could to get the point across that I am not responsible for other people being offended. That is their personal choice. I cannot control how someone will ‘read’ something I posted on the internet. I do not know the great majority of people whom I am “friends” with online. Just like I know many people do not know me.
Also, personally, I do my best to never be offended by something posted on the internet. If I am I generally walk away, chat about it offline with a friend or two (or just have a ‘think’ why it offended me so much) … thus by the time I’m back online… I move on. Seriously. I have such a bad short term memory with online stuff because the internet (especially now with social media) moves VERY quickly.
I can’t remember half the stuff I posted hours ago let alone the day before or a week or month ago (unless I look it up or someone points it out to me).
Thus I left because I felt like I was talking to a brick wall when I said that I cannot control the fact other people will be offended. Someone, somewhere at some time is going to be offended by a “HI” let along anything else.
On top of that, I could see something being played out that I had already experienced myself in my life – having to “police” a group of people.
To me personally, there is a distinct difference between policing a forum and moderation of a forum.
Moderation – There are distinct rules of how to operate within the forum and you basically ensure people stick to the rules.
Policing – It is moderation with the added component of trying to keep people in line (their behaviour). This goes beyond just telling someone for posting against the ‘theme’ for the day to actively restricting peoples’ behaviour within the forum/group to “conform” to a set “way” that YOU think is right (not factoring in people are diverse).
I’ve been online since late 1993, in my online lifetime I have been part of the moderation team of two separate large (active) online forums/communities. What this has meant is that I have experience with how to moderate and all the “joys” that go along with moderation … as well as being involved in un-moderated communities.
(Also the fact that online forums and communities are just like School – you do have cliques within the group. It’s human nature to want to gather with other like minded people.)
Yes, feedback is welcome always and complaints are looked at however, ultimately, if someone is becoming distressed over something posted by someone else within a forum/community…. the two parties need to speak to each other not pull the forum moderators into the “drama”. Take it up with the person causing you the distress because:
1) They may not have any idea that it caused you distress thus how can they have any hope in rectify-ing the situation ?
2) You may be interpreting what they wrote completely wrong until you speak with them and understand
Remember, everyone is a stranger online. How someone presents themselves online may not be how they are in real life. Time and time again this lesson keeps getting taught to me (personally) over and over. Reminding me that whilst I may love the person online – in real life we might have a personality clash. Whilst I may not like the person too much online – we get along great offline ! I’ve also met a few people who I admired online to turn out to be total frauds, hypocrites and so forth (after learning more about them in real life).
In the end, the quote at the start of this blog reflects why I left. I do love my dysfunctions. It is what makes me …….. me ! I am a work in progress.
Plus as the quote above mentions – the only real opinion I need to care about in the end is the one I have of myself. The only real opinion I can influence is that that I hold of myself. I love myself enough to realise that Queensland Business FB Group was no longer the right fit for me because as long as I’m online (which I always will be because I love / am addicted to the internet – it is one of my vices) … I will offend people !
My name is Vanessa. My name means butterfly. Butterfly is one of my totem animals in my life representing magick, transformation, transmutation and “the power of the whirlwind“. On top of that I have a lot of Scorpio energy in my astrological “make-up” thus I tend to favour the taboo 😉 so I may make you face some of your demons without me realising I’m doing it. 😉
It’s part of who you are too because believe me … it’s the internet… unless you log off and never say a word you will eventually offend someone, somewhere at some time !
PS Bwahahaha! Thank you Universe… here is an example from the Gold Coast Lost and Found Pets FB page that I founded. This lady was offended over questions my main assistant admin asked her. They’re standard questions we ask everyone based upon our collective experience (over years of administration of the page) so as we can determine how we can be of service to the person:
Kathryn S. posted to Gold Coast Lost and Found Pets Missing- female Dark Brindle Staffy, has collar on. Last spotted on Beaudesert/Nerang rd in Maudsland area, the early hrs of this morning. Please call XXXXXXXX with any info. Thanks.
Gold Coast Lost and Found Pets (comment): Hi Kathryn, can you post a photo of her? is she microchipped? are microchip details u to date? have you checked with any local vets? Also GCCC pound 55 817 600. Put signs up too. we have further resources on our page at https://www.facebook.com/goldcoastlostandfoundpets/info
Kathryn S. (comment reply) It’s a neighbour dog so I don’t have photo, trying to help them find her. This feels like a bloody lecture. Of course pond has been rung. Just delete my add.
I’m adding Erika to my ever expanding “role model” list which includes Sheila Kelley, at the moment.
Anyway, the start of this story actually begins with the free chapter download you can acquire via her website ( click here ).
Okay.. actually.. I’ll back-track a bit. I happened upon her website and this wonderful woman with thanks to Undress Jess (who I follow via twitter) posting her Amazon wish list … and was intrigued. 91 reviews and 90 of them 4-5 star ! Yes.. she only has ONE 3 star review and NO 1-2 star reviews…. and in my opinion this says a LOT 🙂 Well done Erika. I was impressed. Yes, I did read that 3 star review and a few of the 4-5 star reviews.
Then the cyber stalking began ! I typed in “Think Like A Stripper Erika” into Google… and starting following a few of the links.
I mostly watched some of her video interviews on Youtube and her site. Listened to her radio/audio only interviews too. Made notes. LOTS of notes.
Then I started reading her free chapter.
The following is featured at the start:
If instead of fulfilling your business potential and happy-dancing in your stilettos, you’re crying in the bathroom and wrecking your mascara, then this book is dedicated to you.
…. and bingo. I was in the totally right place at the right time. After having such an accomplished day on Sunday past where I came up with my first Sensual Movement routine (as I’m endeavouring to teach the doing .. movements.. not JUST be a talker and coach in re mindset)… you could say my other business brought me crashing down on Monday to reality. I am some frustrations/challenges with that business which was affecting my creative flow for Lady Vee. Thus I was “crying in The Dressing Room” (Erika will “get” 😉 my reference!). Just like my own former stripper days, I knew crying in The Dressing Room doesn’t get you anywhere. Yet it is also not shameful to have those down moments. Have that cry. Have a rant. Whinge. Vent. No one can be happy 100% of the time it isn’t realistic IMO. Yet GET OVER IT. That’s the key here. Go ahead.. cry in The Dressing Room however also.. LEAVE the Dressing Room and WORK THE FLOOR GIRL !
She is a true inspiration especially because we share VERY similar stories not just for the fact we are both former strippers.
Here’s a quirky fact … she was leaving the industry in 2001… I was only just starting! I have the dubious honour of my first night ever as a stripper being the night of the September 11 attacks (which was Sept 12th for us here in Australia). (I’m saving that juicy story for another time (ah yes a tease to the end baby!!) as I am a similar believer to Erika in telling a story, sharing the lessons I learnt and suggesting practical ways this can apply to my readers.)
There is one other difference in our adult entertainment experiences: our locations. Stripping in Australia can be quite different to stripping in the USA. Whilst I personally didn’t experience the differences first hand I had a lot of contact back in the day online with a LOT of USA strippers. I was one of the rare few Aussie strippers promoting myself, networking and finding support online back then. (click here to listen to an interview I gave “back in the day”!) I also personally did a lot of different aspects of the industry here in Australia. I didn’t stay as a strip club stripper (aka “house girl”) – I was a showgirl, contract stripper, webcam girl, private party waitress, private party xxx stripper and eventually helped run an agency on the Gold Coast before I retired (and left the industry for good).
We do share this part of our journies in common:
I was able to not only make peace with my past but embrace it. With a bit of distance between me and the pole, I was able to see the strength in my history, not just the depression that I’d suffered because of it.
The other difference between us is that I was a full time stripper. I wasn’t one of those girls “working her way through college”. That isn’t to say I didn’t partake of any learnings. I did short courses and online courses here and there however ultimately I was a stripper. (I even flew to Las Vegas to partake of a seminar called Stripper Wealth. I still have the manual and everything !) Stripping was my business and income. I didn’t have anything else happening at the time.
Anyway, honestly, that’s all just semantics. Reading her free excerpt will mean I will buy the whole book – the paperback version if I can possibly so as I can keep it with me to keep me motivated, inspired and focused. It will remind me that my former profession is a source of strength not shame.
Whilst Erika is in the realm of being a business coach. I could easily do the same. I am going to stick with what I want to do still which is inspired by Sheila Kelley.
Thus you could say when I finally do launch Lady Vee … it will be a mixture of movement (inspiration – Sheila Kelley) and mindset (inspiration – Erika Lyremark).
Thank you Erika.
Maybe one day we will meet ?
She calls your hopes your Red Carpet Dreams… whilst mine don’t involve red carpet… one of my dreams is to take “this” international ! To be able to spread my message beyond just Australia (even tho’ everyone has to start somewhere and my own backyard of the glorious Gold Coast is not too shabby!).
So.. maybe. Just maybe.
Remember, you can download the free chapter via her website ( click here ).
You are human. You can’t always be on. You can’t always be positive. It’s okay to have a down moment, a down day.
It is okay to be in The Dressing Room for a break. Just don’t stay there. The customers aren’t in the Dressing Room they’re on the floor. The Dressing Room is a place you can visit not stay the whole shift.
Be open to the journey and the learnings
The old saying – The teacher will appear when the student is ready – is true. Always.
EVERYONE has an interesting story. Everyone.
Just because someone else has done it before is not an excuse to not do it. Do you think tyre manufacturers care that someone else produces tyres ?