I would not take advice or life coaching from anyone that has not ‘been there, done it.’


The above post in full:

👩 peron on facebook: I would not take advice or life coaching from anyone that has not ‘been there, done it.’

👏✊ This is the exact reason why I’m I re-birthed Lady Vee : Bewitchful Confidence ! I *have* been there, done it.

I have been the shy wallflower at a party just eating the food so as to avoid having to talk to anyone.

I have been the stripper, title-holding showgirl, “glamour” (read: topless/nude/lingerie) model, published (nude) centerfold, xxx (agency) stripper and topless/nude waitress.

I have been “the slut” .. consequently it was also the birth of when I learned of my bi-sexuality and the fact that I do not believe in monogamous relationships.

I have done burlesque and was trained by one of the best ( Lola the Vamp ).

I have done Hens Parties when I ran a (successful at the time) “promotions and modelling” agency 😉 (read: male + female strippers and topless waiters and waitresses) where I taught lap dancing and strip-tease.

In Lady Vee : Bewitchful Confidence’s first incarnation of “StripperLike Confidence” I successfully taught a group of ladies to “be like a stripper” .. and saw the transformations that took place 😄

I’ve been there, done that in being disconnected to my body so much that I was starting to deviate into the realm of BDSM since pain was the only way I could feel ‘anything’ 😐 (this isn’t healthy for me personally – BDSM is a valid lifestyle just not for me.)

I’ve been there, done that in having my boundaries violated – multiple times in all sorts of ways.

I’ve been there, done that in distrusting men and only “using” them for sex and money and whatever I could get from them.

I’ve been there, done that in tapping into abundance only to have it not last and the story/beLIEf I had that this was true .. that it doesn’t last.

I’ve been there, done that in re-wiring my brain and re-awakening my body (all of it not just my pussy/yoni) to experience pleasure at the slightest touch. To be re-connected to my body. To “up-level” my pleasure in a way (lol!)

I’ve now been there, and still doing it: finding my TRUE purpose. finding me. being FREE of the “I am not enough-ness” .. finally really understanding without a shadow of a doubt that I am enough.

Understanding that any of my limiting beliefs are now not my own. None of the events in my life that used to hold “sway” over me no longer do .. and now I know what’s it’s like to deal with generational/biological limiting beliefs (aka “I am not enough-ness”) that I inherited biologically from my mother and father and their parents and so on.

💋🦋💞

I just Goddess-f*$#*’d my husband (Guest Post)

Ever wondered why I started my journey into tantra and sacred sexuality ?  It’s because after I had done a lot of work on healing myself and re-awakening my body (not just my pussy – all of my body) .. I have experienced this cosmically orgasmic experience with the same man three separate times.  (Unfortunately, due to life it isn’t every time – we’re both a work in progress.)

Never in my life previously had I experienced anything close!  Thus the reason I offer tantric massage for men, women and couples so as THEY can start on the journey I started .. and eventually with whomever can experience the same.


Author: Tressa Yonekawa Bundren  { source }

This is important, women. This is here if you want to understand more about your power in sex and sensuality.

I just allowed myself to have the best sex of my life. I am infinitely lucky and grateful to be partnered with a man who is an ever-evolving amazing lover. This is a reciprocal, ever-reflective process, and sometimes it just works out luckily, haphazardly and drunk with lust.

Today was a combination of all of those things.

One reason he’s an amazing lover is that he is invested in my pleasure, and he responds to my desire with receiving and reflecting and offering of his own desire. He wants me to feel good while he’s feeling good.

Men, did you catch that? It’s not really about the size of your penis or how hard and deep you can penetrate me. It’s about how you handle desire.

Feel me on this.

How many times have you had sex with a partner and you were just basically participating so someone didn’t feel bad or because you just needed to orgasm or because it felt like you were expected to, etc.? The list of reasons why we “kind of participate” in sex is pretty long. We all have our own reasons. We’ve all done it.

But what if

What if we could be deeply present? Deeply feeling? Deeply connected? What would sex be like if we regularly engaged ourselves and each other in the kind of sex that’s completely worth getting dirty for, being late for, flinching pleasantly as we sit down when we feel that perfect soreness of being well-nibbled, fucked and/or spanked?

It kind of makes me hot to think about it. You know, those times when everything just clicks?

I know the secret to bringing that to the table (park bench, bed or backseat) every time.

Want to know how to fuck like a Goddess?

Let’s make a deal. I’ll share this with you, and you promise yourself and me that you’ll try it. Just try it. Deal? I trust both of us to want better relationships and better sex for ourselves.

Here it is.

Show up.  Show up. Show up.  

We built a temple: Temple Apalala. From the first discussion about what we wanted, we knew it would be a space to honor intimacy and music. It’s a space where no shoes are allowed. The sign in the entryway on the shoe rack reads:

“Leave your stories, excuses and fears outside. Leave your shoes here. Enter in your wholeness. Welcome in.”  

The same is true in sex, only… you can leave your shoes on if they’re fabulous, of course.

Now, this is just a part of how we show up for each other. We remember to leave our shit outside. We can always pick it up later if we want it. The bonus here is it has always been, and will always be, your personal choice to carry your stories, excuses and fears… or not. You choose a thousand times a day. Keep choosing the highest good.

This is where my request of you to show up really gets juicy and makes us squirm.

Can you show up, just for sex, just this once (you promised that you’d try it… just saying) and make the choice to leave out your anger, frustration, your partner’s bad habits, and that time your mom told you something ego-based and not true about yourself but you believed it?

Because if you can, even for a few minutes, then you are showing up for yourself and your partner. You are opening up to Goddess-intimacy, and believe me, Goddess, you deserve this entirely.

Thank you for practicing being whole, vibrant, powerful, sensual and compassionate.

Welcome in.

The trouble comes when you can’t come out from under the blankets…

You’re struggling? Good. That means you’re moving forward. Chasing something. Going after what you want.

Here’s the deal: Trying to change yourself or the world (both are interrelated) will eventually bring on doubt – about everything. What you do. Who you are. Who you want to be. All of it goes under the microscope. That’s normal.

The trouble comes when you can’t come out from under the blankets.

Whilst you’re learning how to switch your thoughts (there are numerous ways to learn to do this from ‘just doing it’, journalling, EFT/Tapping and so forth) .. something that also works great for me is a little tantric – using breath, sound, touch and movement.

Start moving your body especially focusing on moving your hips (however you want to move your hips there is no right or wrong here), caressing your body with your hands, feeling into your body whilst breathing.

Breathe in and do a full breath thru your diaphragm not the usual adult way thru your chest.. and on the out breath let whatever noise comes out.. come out. (If you don’t feel called to make a noise or cannot for whatever reason – that’s okay – just know you can let a groan, moan or whatever noise out on the out breath.)

Concentrate on the breath, hear the sound, feel your touch on your body and the movement of your body.

Do this for 5 mins and tell me how you feel … ?

If you start judging yourself, make a mental note when you did in this ritual and just keep going .. GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD and INTO YOUR BODY.

As soon as you’re in your body and out of your head you will FEEL .. and then you can uncover what’s under those low thoughts .. you’ll get more clarity. (They may not even be YOUR thoughts as sometimes we can take on other peoples’ beLIEfs about ourselves.)

All I know is the above works for me.

( Also KEEP YOURSELF HYDRATED as dehydration is also linked to depression. Have a drink of something WITHOUT sugar or caffeine in it. )

If you find anger is under this feeling low, take it out on a pillow: screaming into it is an oldie but a goodie that works for me to release anger. (There are other ways – PM me if you want to know more.)

Then breath again. Never underestimate the power of breathing.

Day 30 | #100HappyDays

Regnault Socrates Tears Alcibiades from the Em...
Regnault Socrates Tears Alcibiades from the Embrace of Sensual Pleasure (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I volunteered to do a 1 min “elevator pitch” at The Startup Club meeting last night.  During the day, another member (and someone I have known for awhile) Nick, came by to give me some major assistance with it.   Oh boy did I ever need it.

Some of my notes that I took away from my meeting with Nick are pretty standard “sales 101” stuff.  Whilst I personally am okay with sales as I learnt a lot through my “DancerWealth” training … I have always felt that since my sales training was specific to the environment (strip clubs)…  I have always had a generally difficult time translating it to “the civilian world”.

So.. here’s some of my notes (if you do not understand them that’s okay – put whatever meaning you want on them):

  • Asking the right questions = $$$$
  • People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care
  • Selling is not telling: guide people to think .. feel.. act.. in a certain pre determined manner
  • (50) Rapport (Know Like Trust) -> (40)  Desire (Pleasure) / Disturb (Pain) -> (7)  Solution -> (3) Close
  • Ensure you always have rapport before you do anything more !
  • 7% WHAT You Say (Words)
  • 5% HOW You Say (Voice)
  • 58% Body Language / Non Verbals
  • Elevator Pitch – It IS OK to be general and not specific

The first obstacle we overcame… asking me to listen. Not hear – listen.  Use my ears not my mouth.  I’m NOT perfect. I love to talk.

Next obstacle ?  Asking me to define what Lady Vee does in 10 words.  Fuck me !  This has been my biggest difficulty for a long long time.

We did it in 8 words !!!

Lady Vee builds your confidence in your own sensuality.  

Next obstacle ?  Using the Rapport Desire/Disturb, Solution, Close method for my elevator pitch.

Oh… also throw AIDA in for good measure.  (AIDA:  Attention, Interest, Desire, Action.)

Now… here’s the special bit of something that happened during the meeting when we got to this part and started formulating my Elevator Pitch.

I was drawing upon the exact original reason why I started Lady Vee in the first place.

I was also discounting who I was actually needing to speak with to get to the women whom I wanted to work with.

In a nutshell, it was an experience coaching a couple (wife and husband) to teach the wife to lap dance her husband (and I mean REAL lap dancing – she was naked none of this ‘pretending’ stuff)… and following up shortly after with teaching the wife how to glamour model for her husband (who wanted to take some photos)… realising how much fun I had…  how ‘easy’ it was for me to do it…  that if this couple was looking for this… there had to be other couples looking for similar … right ?

That initially I called myself a sensual confidence coach.

That initially I was aiming at couples.

Then… life happens…  and I did a lot of courses… 3 day workshops… masterminds…  asking questions on Facebook…

I slightly deviated from the original path.

Yet I needed to have that deviation because I wouldn’t have come to eventually embrace my brand name of  StripperLike Confidence.

StripperLike Confidence is exactly what I’m about because I want the women in the relationships to be as comfortable with being naked..  being sensual.. moving in a sensual manner for their partners just as much as strippers (just like I am)…   to have that body confidence… to have that confidence in who they are as women.. to have no shame, stigma or guilt in being authentic.. in being themselves..  to re-claim their minds & bodies !

So… *drum roll please*  here is what we came up with….

One in six women in a relationship have not let their partner see them naked in over a year.

WHY ?

Because they’ve lost confidence in their own sensuality.

This is often caused by childbirth, weight gain and negative beliefs that have stemmed from childhood.

I’m sure you all will agree that this unfortunate psychological issue often ends in infidelity and divorce.

Myself, as Lady Vee, am dedicated to helping couples avoid these situations. This is done by working closely with women to build their confidence in their own sensuality.

Contact me for your own personal consultation.

Pretty good huh ?

Now that I have this one minute pitch … and I already have my sales funnel worked out… all I need is to make some slight adjustments… and stick to my original plan dammit !!!

 

Sometimes it takes a while for the path to be clear.

 

I’m celebrating Day 30 because clarity is priceless.

 

 

It’s amazing how much we can mind-fuck ourselves….

Strip Club Customers Seated at Tip Rail
Strip Club Customers Seated at Tip Rail (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It’s amazing how much we can mind-fuck ourselves. I did it last night.

I turned up for a business social networking night. The last time I had turned up it wasn’t as many people. I was already feeling a little “sensitive” due to having to confront my fear of rejection recently (and realising how much Universe was throwing it in my face this year! woha!!)…

None the less, I turned up. Initially I did as any human does in such a situation when not feeling super-confident and go with the familiar. Yet I wasn’t there just to hang out with people I know and people I will see another night or day. I was there to meet new people.  I was there to find my tribe since this is what Universe is obviously trying to tell me to do (since I won’t be too much for my own tribe and will always be accepted).

When it started to get crowded I made the excuse to go to the toilet which were luckily a short walk away from it all.

Back when I worked as a stripper in strip clubs, you’d think I’d thrive on crowds.  Yes I did if they were spread out over a large expanse as such.  I always felt a little overwhelmed and like I had to run & hide if there was a big crowd in a small club.  My biggest issue with crowds is the same issue I have when someone hands me a menu with 20 million choices on it:  I become overwhelmed so much by choice that I don’t know what to choose !

This is why I left to go to the toilet when I didn’t need to go to the toilet.  I was feeling overwhelmed by the crowd in a small space.  I saw groups of people however didn’t know where to start or how to break into any of them.  Spent a little while in the toilet mind fucking myself. That’s the nice way of saying it. I went into the depths of my anxiety and revealed in it you could say. Let it engulf me to the point that I could release it.

This is just what works for me. It isn’t possibly the best way to deal with it however it is the only way I have known how to do so.

Eventually I came out of my anxiety. I used something called The Heartbeat Rule.

Walked back over. Started at “ground dot” with Angela the organiser … and then just inserted myself into a near-by group 🙂

After that point it was all up-hill and the night was a resounding success for me personally.

I connected with a few people there 🙂  I revealed my Strip Club Field Trip offering to a few people with great feedback.

I also learnt that having a cup of tea at an event where everyone else is drinking something else is a great conversation starter 🙂 hahahaha

So.. what’s the lesson ?    For me personally, it is that no matter how “sensitive” I am feeling after dealing with certain fears recently… no matter how hurt by life you can feel…  allow yourself to feel that fear however DO NOT STAY THERE …   that’s the biggest thing I can congratulate myself on:

I could’ve easily mind fucked myself so much that I left without anyone noticing.

Yet I remembered why I had turned up.  I was there because I genuinely liked the event. I was there to meet more people. I was there for business in whatever capacity:  from pet carer/house sitter to Lady Vee to just being another business owner.

 

It’s time to go……. Lady Vee !

Yes
Cover of Yes

If you read that heading in a “Big Brother” voice – yes that was my intention and you’re full of awesome-sauce ! 😀

Recently I was “evicted” from an online group coaching programme.

I was wondering why I didn’t listen to myself in month 1 (it was Month 3 by the time I was evicted) and then subsequently in month 2 … why it was bothering me and that I felt like it wasn’t the right fit.

Universe eventually assisted in me in leaving 😉 (ask me about the Feather / Brick / Truck sometime!)

None the less, here are some of the lessons I’m thankful for learning from my time in that online programme:

Your program/offering is for specific people not for everyone

Whilst I applaud the woman behind the program for wanting to “save the world” .. she is trying to offer something for everyone when really she needs to be more specific with what she is offering and WHO is suitable.

(These are my opinions only and those of this ladies’ “tribe” (her loyal followers) will think differently.)

Those who have strong personalities online similar to myself – NO GO. Avoid. How so ? I was told that I was contributing “too much” at one point. I was actively censored from contributing. Yet I was always on topic with my contributions.

Those who have a STAR as their primary Wealth Dynamics profile – NO GO. Avoid. How so ? It links with the before-mentioned in a lot of ways. I like being seen. I’m not afraid to be seen. I am naturally inclined to shine “like a star”. As mentioned, I was actively told to “dim my light”.

THIS is the biggest lesson I learnt from my participation. Further instilling in me that trying to please everyone ends up pleasing no one . . . and you end up with situations like what happened to me 🙁 which is never a good thing.

Be authentic, vulnerable and transparent

Unfortunately, whilst the presenter thought she was being transparent and authentic – IMO she was still holding back. She also presented in a “I’m better than you” style which did bother me at points (a little condescending).

Also, let’s just say that she needs to be up-front with “who is part of her tribe” (as in private clients or loyal to her). Believe me, if I had known this up-front I would have actively “watched what I said” around these types of people. These people are putting the program facilitator on a pedestal and she can do no wrong … and thus anyone who may think differently are “heathens” (and will cause you trouble which it did for me)!

Oh. . . and the big one: The program facilitator actively told me she was not using it as a lead funnel when she was always pushing people to buy her book or buy into online course. If it’s NOT a lead funnel – then why would you constantly plug your book and that online course ? Why couldn’t you actively just leave them out of it ?

Naturally, the “come back” is that “these courses and the book would assist people with the online webinar series”. No. No it will not. IMO. See my next lesson.

Overwhelming Your Participants

Yes, some of the actions seem “easy” to implement. Yet also, some of the actions aka home-play aka homework could take awhile to implement for a lot of people. Why ? WE HAVE LIVES !!

Not to mention, if you did buy the book (thankfully I did not) you not only had the webinar home play .. you also had the book “home play” at the end of each chapter ! Which one do you implement ? The book or the webinar ? I ask this because I managed in the first month to compare the webinar home play (aka homework) to what was in the first chapter . . . and it wasn’t exactly the same . . . and left me more than a little confused !

If you want to offer people actions to implement during the month – actually use the home play that is in each chapter of the book. Word for word.

Watch Your Language

With thanks to one of the participants alerting me to this it gave me a big A-HA moment and another reason why something in me was having an issue with the whole thing.

I watched the replay of her last webinar (Month 3). The amount of negative language this presenter uses has gob-smacked me!

For someone who is pushing to “be positive” – she uses a lot of “don’t” and “should” . . . whoa there !!!

Cookie Cutter Template

This is an extension of what I’ve before-mentioned in that she is trying to actively craft everyone to be “just like her” when we cannot. She hasn’t at any point in time taken into account everyone’s different lives, values, priorities, wants and needs … not to mention personalities. At no point have did I feel she is wanting us to craft our own lives and do things more in alignment with who we are holistically.

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Is This Typical Money A Stripper Makes ?

 

Click here for the DailyMail newspaper article I speak about within the video.



In this video I talk about my own personal experiences as a strip club dancer.  These are my experiences and I only speak for myself.

There were times when I worked within a strip club to make $1k or more in a night.  There were also plenty of times when I walked out in the negative.

Ultimately, strip club strippers are independent contractors.  We usually pay the club in some form:  via a percentage from lap dances sold or a door fee.

Thus are a special kind of commission based salesperson:  if we do not make any money through tips on stage (if the club allows you to do table dances and/or accept stage tips as there are some clubs that will not) or selling lap dances or any other means (yet selling lap dances is the typical way a stripper in a strip club will make her money)…  we do not earn.

It is always our choice, we can pay the fee and sit on our asses for the rest of the night and not earn a cent or “hustle baby” !

I will admit I was also not typical in that I was one of the very few (in the minority) who could do the work sober.  Too many dancers do find they have to have something (alcohol or drugs or both or whatever) to be able to do the work.  I wasn’t sober every single shift as there were times I would have a social drink with a regular especially if he had booked me for a few hours (aka ‘customer service’ by building rapport).

Thus… whilst strippers may appear to make some killer money each shift they work… you have to remember also that we pay to work… we also have business expenses like anyone else:  outfits, shoes, make-up, hair (never one of mine as I would just “brush and go”), and so forth.   Then there is the mental/emotional expense.  Personally, I’m a natural flirt. I loved being paid to be a flirt and sensual and sexual… I loved being paid to be up on stage and having all eyes on me… and in the end… I really enjoyed being naked.   I loved the freedom of being naked… and yes, there were definitely many times I enjoyed being objectified.   Being the object of peoples’ attention/lust/desires.

Anyway, the “typical” money a stripper makes comes down to a myriad of factors yet ultimately starts and ends with the stripper herself.

And like anything within the business world:

It is all in your attitude !

StripperLike Confidence is about being a bewitching, powerful, magical woman who is courageous enough to be vulnerable and real/authentic.

Oh… and there IS a reason why I did the video without make-up 😉

Can you be confident in your nakedness ?

If I could do the video naked I would as “it’s just a body” to me. I’m long past being concerned about what other people think of my body.  I now enjoy it. I adore it.  I love what it can do for me 🙂





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